Today marks one week since I was released from the hospital following my 5-day Ketamine treatment. I owe an overwhelming amount of people extraordinary thanks for the way my family and I have been cared for, prayed for, supported, embraced, encouraged, and unconditionally loved throughout this experience. All I can do at this point is offer my humblest and profoundest appreciation to everyone who has reached out in any capacity. This is perhaps the hardest blog-post I have ever attempted to compose due to how inadequate any expression of gratitude feels.
I pray my thankfulness rings through the short message I am about to share.
Thank you to Mark for not only giving up as much of his Fall Break as he did to spend time with me throughout the week in the hospital, but for so graciously taking the time and energy to assuage concerns, respond to inquiries, and relay information. Without the thoughtfully crafted updates from “Paddy” and the countless questions my family and Mark have patiently answered for me over the past week, I would have very little knowledge of anything that happened after the first day checking into Hahnemann Hospital.
As anticipated, due to the sedative nature of the protocol, I have practically no recollection of how the week transpired. However, what I have is a painfully raw, upsetting, and terrifying aftermath. My “transition” could not have been more dramatic or jarring. I have dealt with a novel aspect of illness, mental distress requiring immediate medical action. Post-treatment I was bombarded with severe anxiety and an acute state of depression that has shaken my loved ones and me to our cores. This dreaded possibility, a most unfortunate outcome, has proved to be the most daunting and trying cliff I have ever been forced to ascend, as my ability to continue existing has been perceivably impossible over so much of the past week. To describe these effects as seeming “earth-shattering” feels like a pathetic understatement.
Now seven days “out,” I am no where near “out of the woods;” in fact, I have never felt so “in the thick of it.” However, with an aching body, throbbing heart, and tired mind I am eternally thankful to be able to say that I’m still here for seven reasons:
- The unending and unconditional devotion of my parents.
- The steadfast care of my sister and brother.
- My loyal side-kick, the most loving Paddy-boy.
- My rock and best friend, Mark. He walked into my life a year ago and has become such a special member of my team. He courageously and selflessly rose to the challenge of seeing me through this dark time as the most noble knight in shining armor I could imagine.
- All the kindness and prayers of my support system.
- My team of doctors who rose to the occasion of seeing me through every day.
- A Higher Power….Who miraculously appeared as an inner voice that whispered “don’t give up, you might get through this if you give it one more try” and has accompanied me across the country to receive treatment in California from a special practitioner who hopes to help detoxify my body of all the physical toxins, cleanse my mind of the psychological turmoil, and restore my soul from the emotional trauma.
My current trip to San Diego is inspired by a reaction to the drugs having such detrimental effects on my Central Nervous System, and, therefore, we are especially grateful for your continued prayers for the stability of my body and peace of my mind.
I sign this off with nothing but appreciation for the gift of life and miracle of Love,